analyst dream - performance
.I started my analyse about 2012 out of curiosity and internal necessities. After some time of this process I came to the conclusion that I can not continue it without changing the financial terms of agreement that I had with my analyst. In other terms I just couldn't afford it at that time but still I really wanted to continue my practice.
So I approached my analyst and proposed that instead of paying him money for the sessions I will give him for each session a drawing. At first he was reluctant to this idea but after my three attempts to convince him he agreed. Since around two years instead of paying money I pay him with drawings. Right now it is pretty big collection. I didn't count how many of them he has, I assume it is more than 100 by now. I don't document every each one of them so I don't remember how many and what kind of he has. Some of them are really lousy sketches or doodles, some are more elaborate. Some are dream related, some relate to current events in politics or in social life. Some refer just to art itself, literature figures or biographies. And some are just visualisations of struggles that we have in life.
Changing the currency had interesting effect on the process itself. It helped a lot with transference (crucial concept for Lacanian's psychoanalysis). Wikipedia describes transference as a phenomenon characterised by unconscious redirection of feelings from one person to another. For example "the inappropriate repetition in the present of a relationship that was important in a person's childhood". This shift also enabled access to subconscious getting deeper and making psychoanalytical process more intense and accelerated. Symbolical language which shows up in those works gave for sure helpful insights in terms of accessing hidden material.
Performance that I am going to show at Manifesta is freely based on the conversations that I had with my analyst. In the initial idea I wanted to literally reverse our position and start to analyse analyst... We discussed it and it became obvious that after changing those positions there is no way back to the former state. That would be the end of my analyse and I realised that I didn't talk about childhood and all those purely analytical topics as for example parents. I also didn't have a chance to decide if I want or don't want to go after this idea because my analyst became sick, so sick that he stopped working.
The main idea is to pin point specific position of somebody who is an analyst. This is a tricky position, analyst wants a analysand to speak, speak freely yet he wants also to reach a moment when analysand says that this is an end. Reaches a point when his/her subjectivity is constructed enough that he acts upon ending. And ending is not an easy part. How do you know when something comes to an end? The other tricky part is transference, which can bring strange love like emotions towards analyst, and than he have to cope with them afterwards.
During a performance in Zurich I will perform alongside amazing Małgorzata Wdowik (theater director) and awesome Sheena Colquhoun (video artist and poet) and Ella Sowinska. Collaborative work experience.
This performance is going to become part of bigger entity, which core are going to be build from the drawings made for sessions.
29.07.2016 - Zurich - Cabaret Voltaire (all starts at 20:00)